After a long time I'm writing an article in English but not by my choice but I have been instructed to do so by my Guru Shri Krishna. Target audience for this article is the young generation. Married and unmarried both. I myself was hesitating to write this article because it's quite an advanced topic but it seems it's not up to me to make that decision and I'm compelled to write by my Guru Shri Krishna. He had decided time and title both for this article. So before I touch the main topic of this article, I humbly surrender myself and this article to my Guru Shri Krishna.
Gurucharitra is one of the most powerful holy scriptures written in this Kaliyuga. It was guided by Shri Narasimha Saraswati, 2nd incarnation of Lord Dattatreya. In the beginning of this holy scripture while describing the Kaliyuga, it says that Kaliyuga was standing naked in front Lord Bramha, holding tongue in one hand and penis in another. When Lord Bramha asked him what was the purpose of him standing in this notorious pose? He explained that, in this yuga, people will be driven by the influence of these 2 organs. It will be difficult for every individual to control them. Hunger and lust will drive humanity crazy.
In Bhagavad Gita also Shri Krishna explains that there are only 6 enemies of mankind. Kama (lust), Krodha (anger), Lobha (greed), Mada (arrogance), Moha (delusion), and Matsarya (jealousy). One has to learn how to conquer these enemies in order to attain the highest level in spirituality so that he can come closer to Shri Krishna as his supreme devotee.
For Aakanksha and I, the quest had started last year. In order to progress in our spiritual journey, we quit eating non-vegetarian food since last year. With time, we also started sticking to satvik food. That means avoiding onion, garlic, etc., as much as possible. Started regular fasting on Ekadashi. With time, I think on my individual level I could manage to control my taste buds to a great extent. However, I have still not mastered it well.
Other day, I asked my Guru Shri Krishna, please tell me how do I conquer Kaam (lust) or how anyone should learn to conquer it?
I didn't have to wait for too long to get that answer. I'm going to put it here in this article the way he explained it to me.
First of all the definition of Kaam is not limited to physical attraction between a man and a woman. Although it's the most powerful and significant form of Kaam, the actual definition of Kaam is beyond it. So he had a perfect analogy to explain it.
Let's assume a person has a sweet tooth. That means he loves sweets! He has been craving sweets since his early childhood and he can not resist if it is offered to him. If he attends a function with its buffet serving his favorite sweets, he will most likely end up having a couple of rounds to that counter. On every visit to the sweet counter, to save himself from embarrassment, he tells the person on the other side, that he is taking it for someone else. He can cheat everyone else but not his own conscience. A time comes when he doesn't feel good about eating so much sweets and now thinks he should cut down on it. But guess what ? It's already too late. He has been diagnosed with diabetes. Now that he is on permanent medications, he regrets it even more. Sometimes he even has to get insulin shots. He blames himself for not controlling his sweet tooth. It's a disease that he has to live with for the rest of his life and he doesn't know that it will consume him one day.
This analogy of desire goes with everything else. You look at someone's car, a bungalow, a house, a bike, lifestyle and many times even a beautiful girl / lady and a thought strikes your mind, sometimes for a fraction of a second that, I wish I could have it, I could experience it. That's exactly what the base of Kaam (lust) is.
There is a big difference between admiring beauty and desire to experience it. Considering it's a basic human nature to experience sexual satisfaction and fulfill desire, the marriage system ( Grihsthashram) was designed by Shri Krishna. After completing education not everyone wanted to continue their journey in spirituality as Bramhachari or Sanyasi. So people could marry and fulfill their desires of having marital life, kids, family and all other accomplishments they could achieve being a married person. Sexual satisfaction and sex life remains integral part of this lifestyle.
However, one still needs to learn how to keep his sexual desires in control in order to progress in a spiritual journey. Then the obvious question comes: why should one keep it in control if the whole system is designed in a way that you could have it with your legitimate life partner bound by marriage vows?
Shri Krishna explained it further. There is a reason why he gave me an analogy of a person with a sweet tooth. A person with a sweet tooth might have a choice in terms of the most favorite delicacy and out of 10 sweet dishes he might pick that one always. But does that mean it stops from trying other sweet dishes?
A person who enjoys and loves physical intimacy or has strong desires for physical attraction, after getting married can fulfill his desires with his/her life partner. However, a time comes when because of some or other challenges it's not always possible to do so. With age or after having kids a lot of these equations change but it may not suppress one's desire of having more and more "sweets". Sometimes it starts building frustration, depression and anxiety. In the absence of the most favorite sweet, a person starts looking for other sweet options in the buffet, because now his desires have started controlling him. It's a disease!
One may ask how about a couple where both of them enjoy that intimacy equally?
Life is not fair. We have been designed as humans, not robots. Let's go back to the person with the sweet tooth. He is at work. His boss calls him in his cabin while having his meal. Because suddenly he remembered an important task and before he forgets, he wants to discuss with our character with a sweet tooth. The moment he enters the cabin he can't stop noticing his most favorite and delicious sweet dish on the table. His boss doesn't have any cravings for that sweet dish and he may not even eat that but our character in this story has just lost it! He can't pay full attention to what his boss is saying. All he can think of during this conversation with his boss is, "Once I get out of this cabin, I'm going to order this online immediately. I want it! That's it!"
Things with sexual pleasure and satisfaction are the same. I don't think I have to co-relate and explain it. Most of you have already got the point. He knew he couldn't have it because it's not his to have it. But it tempted him. He had made the plan already on how he wants to fulfil his desires immediately after getting out of the cabin!
So, my next question to Shri Krishna was, then what do you propose ? I don't get it fully. I mean, I know what you are saying, but then what is the solution?
He smiled. He continues His philosophy. In the old era when people couldn't resist, they used to continue fulfilling their sexual desires with their life partner and ended up having so many kids. Many times it wasn't even possible for them to feed all the kids properly. The urge for sexual desires is so strong that without thinking about all such future consequences humans want to get into the rabbit hole. Only after it's too late does he realize that it's a cobra at the other end of the hole and not the rabbit. In modern times, inventions to have safe sex and prevent pregnancy has been exploited. People are leveraging it to taste all the sweets in the buffet when their most favorite one is not available.
So one must start from controlling his desires of having the one on his plate. What that means is He designed human bodies and marriage systems in a way that one should get to fulfil his/her desires but in a limited fashion. Shri Krishna didn't rely on humans to invent ways of contraception. Female body goes through a menstrual cycle every month. There is a gap given to the female body to regenerate necessary eggs for reproduction. This time period is long enough for husband and wife to have a safe physical intimate relationship without using artificial methods of contraception. Man's sperm stays in the female body for 5-6 days and typically ovulation time starts after 7-8 days. That means after the menstrual cycle gets over a safe window is provided "by design" so that people in married life can fulfil their desires in a limited way. However, in modern times because of unhealthy lifestyle this has not been the safest sure shot way.
Shri Krishna said, on this spiritual journey, on one end it's me, on the other end it's your materialistic desires. Make a choice. The more and more you come closer to Him, you start disconnecting from pleasures of the materialistic world. The love and devotion for Shri Krishna helps you to move away from lust. As husband and wife you start connecting spiritually, mentally beyond the physical boundaries. It's something one can only experience by following a path to spirituality and not by forcing or resisting themselves deliberately. Even Yogi's like Vishwamitra couldn't control their sexual desires when celestial nymphs like Menka seduced him. Kaam is extremely powerful in Kaliyuga and anyone who claims that without following a spiritual path he has controlled his desires to not look at all the delicious sweets in the buffet is just lying!
On the spiritual path there are multiple ways. How one can do it. People who want to follow Yoga, for them there is "Mudra (pose)" called "Ashwini Mudra", "Vajroli Mudra"(for men) / "Sahajoli Mudra" (for women). The idea behind is to gain better control over sexual organs. Yogis for their entire life and men/kids until the age of 25 used to practice celibacy. By following these practices they could let their semen flow in the reverse direction from the reproductive organ to the brain. The term is known as "Urdhvareta" -one who lives in perpetual celibacy or abstains from sexual intercourse. That was one reason why their chakras were balanced, Kundalini energy was active, memory was sharp and they were much more focussed on their goals. Modern science has forgotten the spiritual values and hence doesn't elaborate much on the importance of preserving semen rather encourages to let it go and I wonder why Kaliyuga was standing naked holding is penis in front of the creator Himself.
Shri Krishna says in Bhagavad Gita Chapter 7 Verse 11
बलं बलवतां चाहं कामरागविवर्जितम् ।
धर्माविरुद्धो भूतेषु कामोऽस्मि भरतर्षभ ॥ ११ ॥
Translation :
I am the strength of the strong, devoid of passion and desire. I am sex life which is not contrary to religious principles, O lord of the Bhāratas [Arjuna].
Shri Krishna, my Guru, asked me to surrender Kaam as Guru Dakshina on the occasion of Guru Purnima and I happily did!
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